This morning at 7:26 AM costume designer Marty Pakledinaz passed away peacefullly, surrounded by family and friends.
As a costume design student in college, I recall learning about different extraordinary designers. But, the one that has always stood out the most is Marty. I heard about him in class, and then when I worked at Helen Uffner’s she would talk about him. So, naturally, I looked him up and learned more about him. It’s very sad. We lost a very talented man.
I promise I will post about Thanksgiving and food and recipes soon. I just need to distance myself from the holiday a little bit, and get this show to preview.
Tomorrow is the first day of tech for the show I’m designing. AHHH. Still missing some shoes and a belt – so hopefully will find that stuff tomorrow morning before tech, otherwise, well…won’t be the first tech without all the shoes. I hope everything I bought today will work. I’m so tired.
Today has been so difficult for me personally. I’ve been struggling with some things in my personal life for the last 5 weeks. It’s really been taking a toll on me. This past day was so difficult. That terrible awful feeling you get when someone has died and you just wish you could say the things you never said, that’s been consuming me. That and inconsolable grief. Local foods and cooking has been helping me focus though, costume design work only distracts long enough until I stop and rest a minute and it all comes flooding back. Mornings and nights and bus rides are the worst. I’ve got time to sit and think and unless I can find the energy to read I just get lost in my thoughts and end up really upset. Last year tonight I was at the rock gym playing catchphrase after having had a lovely meal and wine at one of my favorite restaurants with one of my favorite people. This year I’ve got none of that. I had big plans for today! I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t actually go through with any of them. I’m not going to say I’m moving on, because I’m not yet. It’s still too fresh and too hurtful. I feel like maybe I just need to express all this publicly because I spent so long dealing with how I felt about him privately. I made a little montage (how embarrassing) last winter. I didn’t know how to express my feelings to him then and didn’t know how to tell him the way I felt about him. Our lack of communication was tragic. I regret having not said anything sooner. I love him, and I hate to say it because I feel so foolish. I spent so long not saying it, that now, now that it’s all over, I find myself not being able to stop saying it. I used to watch this all the time when we wouldn’t see each other for short periods, and it helped me not feel so lonely. Now, it just makes me feel lonely. I didn’t look at it for the last few weeks until today. I think I’ll post it here, and leave it alone for another long while.
Meatbeasta 